In Part I of our series we began looking at ingredients to a successful, life long marriage.  Using Scripture and two studies (here and here), we learned that a solid financial foundation reduces the likelihood of divorce by approximately 30%.  I don’t know about you, but I’d like to know about other ingredients that can help to divorce proof a marriage—even before the marriage starts.  Today, we look at another key ingredient—maturity.

According to those studies, marrying after age 25 lowers your probability of divorce 24% when compared to marrying under 18.  On the surface, this makes great sense. Many aspects of life are unsettled at 18 and, hopefully, are taken care of before 25.  As an example, your financial situation was probably much different at 25 then it was 18.  That financial improvement may account for some of the differing divorce probabilities.

Because trying to parse each aspect of how life is different from 18 to 25 would take volumes, let me just use the term ‘maturity.’ If we summarize all of the differences between an 18-year-old and a 25-year-old, we are talking about maturity.  Not surprisingly, maturity fits with what we know of the extended adolescence experienced by many young adults in America today.

According to articles such as this one in the NY times, “For many, by choice or circumstance, independence no longer begins at 21.”  The author refers to a modern phenomena, extended adolescence, whereby folks in their 20s continue exhibiting adolescent traits.  Such delayed maturity may help explain our delayed ability to form healthy, lasting marriages.

The question, then, is not necessarily one of chronological age as much as it is one of maturity.  Going back to Genesis 2:24 passage from earlier, God declares a man shall leave his father and mother and then unite with his wife.  It would seem that God considers independence, and the maturity it reveals, a prerequisite for developing a marriage relationship.

As we prepare for marriage, then, we might ask a few questions about maturity.  First, we might ask what it looks like to be mature.  In order to really assess our situation, we need a picture of what maturity looks like.  Without a clear understanding of what it is, we might not know if we are ready for the enormous commitment of marriage.  Second, we might ask if we are mature enough to successfully unite with a spouse.  Finally, we might evaluate our potential spouse for their emotional readiness.

So, what does maturity look like?  Well, we might include such traditional concepts as a sense of responsibility, a strong work ethic, compassion, empathy, an ability to set and achieve goals and a bit of self-awareness.  All of those would describe an adult who may be ready for marriage.  Additionally, we should look at how Scripture describes maturity.  To do this, take a look at some of the Bible’s passages on marriage such as Proverbs 33, Ephesians 5:22-32, 1 Peter 3:7.  As you read these texts, can you identify some of the traits marriage requires?

Here are some I see:

–                Selflessness

–                Willing Sacrifice

–                Love (for a definition of love, see 1 Corinthians 13)

–                Patience

–                Gentleness

–                Faithfulness

–                Self-Control

Once we’ve established a picture of maturity, we can then begin to evaluate our potential partner and ourselves in light of it.  We can take the time to prayerfully search our hearts and honestly ask the question, “Am I ready for this commitment?”