“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.”

Thus ends the old schoolyard rhyme.  Though we may not have realized it at the time, this rhyme contains a proven method of lowering your probability of divorce.  We’ve already seen how a strong financial foundation and some maturity both improve the chances of enjoying a life-long marriage.  Today, continuing our look at this report, we learn that having the first child than 7 months after the wedding decreases the risk of divorce by 24%, when compared to those whose first child comes before this mark.

As with our other ingredients, this is common sense. As any parent can tell you, kids absorb a huge amount of resources.  Time, energy, emotions and money all seem to be directed toward children in inverse proportion to their age.  The younger they are, the more they absorb.

At the same time, a new marriage requires a great deal of the same resources.  Of course, newlyweds (like new parents) don’t mind this, at all.  In fact, most newlyweds reveal in the amount of time and energy they lavish upon one another. They love spending time together, going shopping together, talking, hanging out and everything else.

Since both newborns and new marriages require such enormous investment, it is no surprise that adding a new baby to a new marriage (or a new marriage to a new baby) is a recipe for problems.  Something will have to give.  Either the baby will not receive the attention it needs, or the marriage will suffer.

So, we have a strong argument for 1) not having children before marriage and 2) not having a child at the outset of a marriage.  Of course, both of these fit with the Bible’s picture of marriage.

Of course, Scripture goes further than simply telling us to delay children.  Scripture prescribes abstinence outside of the marriage relationship.  If we return to Genesis 2:24, we find that the man and woman are united and become one flesh.  If we look elsewhere in Scripture we find admonitions such as:

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4 ESV)

Obviously abstinence virtually guarantees children will wait until about nine months into the marriage. But abstinence also allows the relationship to develop toward intimacy according to God’s plan.  Like putting the horse before the cart, waiting to have sex is the best way to satisfying intimacy.

Now, it appears we have some empirical evidence to support this thinking.  A study, reported on here, finds stronger relationships among those who delay sex until marriage:

Compared with those in the early sex group, those who waited until marriage:
* Rated relationship stability as 22 percent higher
* Rated relationship satisfaction as 20 percent higher
* Rated sexual quality as 15 percent better
* Rated communication as 12 percent better

Perhaps Scripture, and a thousand of years of Western Civilization, were on to something about sex and marriage.  Perhaps our modern rush to embrace all things sexual is not progress but societal devolution.  Maybe, in the name of sexual freedom and fulfillment, we are setting the stage for problem relationships, dissatisfaction and broken homes.

Want to significantly increase your odds of a lifelong marriage?  Want that marriage to deliver as much satisfaction as possible?  Then follow God’s plan by delaying children, and sex, until after your wedding.